After
watching Gabrielle Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass the other day,
something really struck a chord with me… the idea that we all have a story. As
Gabby began talking about this, I began to feel negative feelings coming up for
me. In my mind I began thinking thoughts like “I don’t have a story” or “I do,
but it’s not like I've struggled with addiction or a tragic loss in my life”… And
then I realized, we don’t need to have experienced the things that other people
have gone through to have a “story”. Our journey is unique to each and every
one of us and that is what makes life so beautiful. We all have our own unique experiences;
we all have different highs and lows. It is guaranteed that we have, or will
all hit our personal “rock bottom” at some point, and that doesn't have to be
the same as others. One thing I know for sure is that everyone who has
experienced this low at some point has all felt the same feelings of fear, lack
of love, despair, confusion and hopelessness.
This is what
inspired me to write this post today. I’m not usually one to put myself out
there but in light of learning to grow and letting go of fear I felt compelled to…
Looking back,
I was so young when I began my journey of self-discovery. I guess it all
started when I was around sixteen. I’d recently spent two years stuck in a very
dark place of extremely negative thoughts and depression due to feelings of
worthlessness, heartbreak and fear. Despite having supportive and loving
friends, I really hit my “rock-bottom” when I felt like I just didn't want to
be here anymore. I started to actually believe there was no point in my
existence and that I would never be “good enough” so why even bother. I've always struggled with confidence and feeling good in my own skin, so comparing
myself to others and feeling small became a recurring habit . These kinds of
beliefs and thoughts led me to attract many negative life situations and I was
continuously feeling more and more worthless every day. I was highly controlled
by fear and my ego.
Throughout my
experiences I kept hearing some kind of inner voice telling me that there is
something more out there and that things will get better, if only I keep going.
One weekend
my friend invited me to a ‘Mind, Body and Soul’ day at a local fair and whilst wandering
around the various different stalls, my friend spotted a book, ‘You Can Heal
Your Life’ by Louise Hay, and pulled my attention to it. At the time I didn't have any money on me to buy it, so we left without and I gradually forgot about
the book. A few weeks later it was my friend’s birthday, and as a present she
received ‘You Can Heal Your Life’. After reading my friend highly recommended
that I buy this book and read it immediately, claiming she was a ‘new
woman’.
I now know
that the ‘Mind, Body and Spirit’ day was no coincidence, I was meant to go, I
was meant to find that book, I was meant to change my life.
Following
reading ‘You Can Heal Your Life’, I was hooked. I began practicing self-love
and forgiveness and quickly developed a more positive mind-set. I bought a
series of different self-help books, desperate to improve my situation and
happiness. In the beginning, they all worked and every day I was feeling
increasingly better. I had hope. I then started college and found it very hard
to be myself around new people and make friends. I lacked confidence and
self-esteem, and was very reserved around people I didn't know. To make this
worse, I was put on a different lunch break to my best friend, we had different
classes and I felt so alone.
I did make
one friend during my first year, but after a couple of months, she moved away,
which resulted in me spending every lunch time alone in the library. This made
me so unhappy and I started to soon slip back into a negative mind-set, and it
ultimately left me wanting to quit college.
However,
something told me to keep going and that it would get better. One day, I
remembered about Louise Hay and her book, and decided that I would start being
more grateful for all the people I had in my life and I would start to look for
the good things happening every day. Over the summer, I spent time with my
closest friends and my situation improved dramatically.
When my
second year at college began, I found myself on the same lunch break as my best
friend and we shared the same classes/timetable. She introduced me to her
friends and before long; we all became a close friendship group. I no longer
felt alone. I had focused on gratitude and making new friends, and I had
received it. For my birthday, I received ‘The Power’ by Rhonda Byrne. This is a
beautiful book displaying the secret of the most powerful force in the
universe, and how we can all use it to achieve happiness and our deepest desires
in life. I believe this is the point when I truly started to believe in the law
of attraction and understood how I had been using it all along, to bring new
friendships and more positive experiences into my life.
I began
searching for guided meditations on YouTube and practicing positivity and
gratitude every day. My life started to change before my eyes; my friendships
flourished and I continued to attract more and more positive situations and
experiences to myself, which included booking a holiday with friends and getting my
first part-time job. Since then I have continued to use the law of attraction
in my life to attract the perfect relationships, guidance, jobs, opportunities,
and abundance.
I believe I
owe a huge part of my spiritual growth and happiness to Gabrielle Bernstein,
whose books and practices I discovered at the age of eighteen, purely by chance
looking for new ‘self-help’ material. I joined ‘Her Future’, a social
networking site founded by Gabrielle to create a ‘digital sisterhood’. Her
Future has helped me over the years to connect and be supported by other women
on the same life path, all seeking for growth, love, peace and happiness. I
think when we are seeking to choose a better life, it is important that we
surround ourselves with positive, loving people, and Her Future provides a beautiful
environment for that.
I actively
seek positive and inspiring texts every day now, I know I am nowhere near the
end of my journey but this is my story so far and I am ridiculously proud of
how much I've changed in the past four or five years and how much I've grown
towards my true self.
I am now
currently in the process of following my heart and true desires, working
towards becoming a certified life coach and starting my own business.
The main
message of this story that I want to share with you is that it does get better
and at any moment you have the power to completely change your life and
circumstances. You are the master of your own reality and happiness, and please
don’t forget that.
Everything we
are looking for is within us.
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